When you don’t click

With your new therapist :/ I’ve been twice. I’ll go next week, but unless there’s a vast difference I’ll have to change people. Story of my life. Try to keep well and it doesn’t work. My family therapist and I discussed given it a real go, open, honest, real. To not judge, be open to a new way of a new person. I went in positive but left dispointed. 

Maybe I’m in the wrong, I knew I don’t trust, especially with the past six months of being let down from mental health n doctors. 

Talking to Nicki (the family therapist) I spoke to her about a few concerns from last week and I’ll debrief again tomorrow. But last week I struggled with the lack of Josie’s (new therapists) lack of eye contact. She constantly looked away when she spoke or I was talking. I also left there feeling detached. She like my hubby said that can be normal to be matter of fact with first sessions. Nicki asked me to be a little more open with my struggles to give her the chance to help. Because I have a way of appearing in control and well that I may need to let my walls down. Also talk to her about the eye contact.

So I get there. Head in. She asked about my week. Told her the good ie my mums cancer free. Also the struggles I feel while my Hubby’s at work, my boys eye sight, my girls broken arm, not being able to relax or unwind. She’s replied sounds like a good positive week then. I got my back up, please tell me how my son may have major issues with his eye sight is positive, my baby could fucken go blind. And while trying to express how I feel about mums health, she kept bringing it back to her friend who had cancer????

Anyways I pushed forward keeping calm. And thought right I’m gonna push this women she what she’s made off. So I starting talking about my experiences when I was in contact with my hubby. And she started talking again about her sons struggles with mental health. I observe people a lot so I was watching her closely. She won’t give me eye contact, she looked every where but no eye contact. I found her checking her watch and the clock on the wall to the point I felt uncomfortable. And constant fidgeting with her hands. 

One thing that really got to me was her wording with a few things. I was taking about my experiences having attempted suicide and the past few months with hubby. And her words shocked me. She said it was “hard case”. As in funny haha hard case. 

I stayed for the session but left feeling confused. Especially since she ended the session with just stay positive. No actual advice or guidance to anything I’m going through. And how is any thing I’m going through ” hard fucken case”

Hell am I just being difficult. Or have I been lumped with another idiot? Am I wrong not to give a flying fuck about her son or friends. I don’t need nor want to spend more time talking about them then the reason I’m there. Am I wrong to believe a therapist should be encouraging me to work through my issues. To face things. To offer advice to ideas I can put in place to work through it all. This is why I wanted a phycologist or however you spell it. Not some councilor who doesn’t know there arse from there elbow. I wanted and need someone who’s trained in mental health, who have an understanding of bpd, breakdowns, being hospitalised, suicide, self harm. Maybe someone who may know a little about dbt. 

I just feel I’ve opened up to yet another person who’s clueless yet isn’t professional even to admit if a case is to difficult. Or they don’t have the training require to treat someone with my experiences. 

I feel let down by the system yet again. I just want to be able to truly open up and get some guidance. After all I’m only trying to work on me, my future, and be the best mum and wife I can be, to support my hubby in the right ways to be by his side as he finds his way through this maze. To be strong for my kids. To vent so I can let my fears for my son out safely not scare him. 

And what cracks me up its my first night off by myself. and I feel so lost with out my kids and sailor here. 


5 thoughts on “When you don’t click

  1. I’ve never gone to one of those before so I haven’t a clue as to what they are supposed to do. But it sounds just like some of my girlfriends when I get in the mood and start dumping my issues on them, they deflect by sharing their issues as well. And I’ve learned I dislike mutual dumping because, damn it, I’m greedy and for that moment I want it to be all about me. Not surprisingly, I quickly learned not to go to those girl friends who share-dumped.

    But to me it sounds like your looking for someone who’s not the girlfriend you share things with, not the calm listening ear of the bartender who just nods and keeps serving you whatever your drinking, but someone who will listen and then evaluate and tell you that your being a bit too caught up in negative thoughts and old thought patterns and that repeating pattern is what’s causing chaos in your life and you might want to try something as simple as working to catch yourself being a negative nelly and mentally repeat the reverse of that. Or something along those lines.


  2. When you don’t click with a therapist it’s best to cut your loses quickly and find someone who is more your style.
    I’m not comfortable with the way she is treating you. No eye contact would make me never come back. If you can’t look at me how can you treat me?
    I went through 4 therapists before I found one that clicked. She’s great.
    Trust your gut.


  3. The lack of eye contact, repeatedly checking the time and talking about her family are definite red flags in a therapist. She doesn’t sound qualified to provide effective help with the issues you are dealing with.


  4. I don’t think you should have to compete with your therapist. Not that you said that, but that is how it sounds from her reactions. Like the patient has to put her center stage. I would start looking for a new therapist.


  5. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for that experience!! That’s when I think counselors either do not know anything about dbt/bpd or are just doing a grievous disservice to a patient, who is a person by the way, expressing very deep and real pain, grief and fear and have come TO GET HELP. Yuck. I’ve carried around some pretty heavy guilt and shame from two separate therapists for their lack of tact, understanding or listening. It took a friend the other day saying after I shared, “I’m sorry, that doesn’t sound therapeutic at all. That sounds like advice.” It helped so much to heal that wound a bit. When we go to counseling it is for very real and serious reasons, I hope you have actually present and competent help next!!❤️


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