When food and photography collide

Realised I hadn’t share many photos or food I’ve created lately so here’s a few from yesterday and today. Been missing school so had to get in the kitchen. Now off to study

New loaf recipe I tried

Mini loafs I turned into garlice bread my hubby grew

Home made pumpkin soup n my bread

Mini chicken n mushroom filo baskets

Cranberry and white choc muffins

Oat, cranberry and white choc biscults

Another great but intense week

Last week I had my very first practical assessment. 3hrs, 3 dishes plus 3 sauces. and I aced it!!!! So proud of myself. I learnt so much and heaps of room for improvement but I passed the whole lot. Only three of us in the whole class of 20+ don’t have to resit. I truly didn’t think I could do it especially so well. And having my hubby, kids n mama proud made it all worth it. 

The next day we got our 400+ book of culinary terms to learn. Heaps in French. That night hubby n I went through all of them I’m surprised how much I already know. It was the best study session. Having laughs. Just spending time with sailor and his encouragement keeps boosting me up. And my boy got the highest marks for his maths exam an excellence.

Wednesday I was in class and got a text through. I immediately went to make a call. To my mama, she had surgery about 3 weeks ago for breast cancer having both removed. Everyone blew me away from her strength and positive mindframe, hubbys endless support. The kids coping well, other support from family. She’s had just been back to the surgeon. To be told the surgery was a complete success. She is officially CANCER FREE!!! that’s right no more cancer. I got back to class and just lost it, my class was incredibly supportive and sent me out for some time to process. Then as a class went to dinner and one shouted me a beer to celebrate.

The rest of the week has been about family since were all on school holidays. Hubby treated me to lots of cooking goodies and then since I’m entering a cooking comp soon. He got all the ingredients for me to practice plus a bottle of wine. I’ve love cooking for everyone, dinner together. Easter goodies. Plus our pinic with our extended family. The first since me and sailor have been back in contact felt like a huge milestone. Oh and then we had a cyclone. I was scared especially when my hubby had to drive back to his place in the middle of it, but by morning we had clear skies.

I feel like I’ve had a small break through today. My Anxiety’s been pretty high.I’ve felt unorganised, overwhelmed. In a sense out of control. My girls been playing up but thanks to my hubby chatting to her she’s turned a corner. He also did such a amazing job working on our yard its lookkng massive. I hung out with my boy today and best mate. Then tonight cooked a massive healthy meal, cleaned, and sorted my diary and to do list for school. I’ve had a chance to stop now and have realised a few things

That I can have positives without waiting for the ball to drop. I need to focus on the positives more then my fears. Like hubby working on his recovery and doing so well. He’s making me so proud. Just to hear him laugh is magic. That even with the ups n downs I am a good mum raising great kids. With the last four months surrounded by sickness and the fear of losing two of my best friends, I’ve realised I need to look at life not death. Im grateful to be on holidays, I also am facing triggers which is going to help me in the long term. I start counciling in a few days I’ve been more anxious then I realised about it. Telling another person my story. Having to trust someone new. The biggest having to face some of the situations from the past 4 months I’d rather not. But for myself and my family I’ll do it. I’ll battle on I’ll keep myself mentally well. And I’ll focus on the positives that are happening instead of the negative. Sorry for the novel bloggers time for bed. Have a great week

A positive mood to end a good weekend

Sitting here just winding down I’m feeling pretty lucky. I have my first practical kitchen assessment in the morning 3 hours 3 dishes 3 sauces and a work plan. Yesterday I got the ingredients together to practice one of my dishes, loved having my hubby n kids try it. It boosted me up, I made errors but I knew why and how to change them. Spent time with my little family and went on to study completing my work plan.

Then today I woke spent time with my mama and extended family, organising a family picnic next week, headed to school to print out my work. And back home to spend time with my hubby. He surprised me by buying prawns, scallops and squid so I could practice more for my assessment. Add my sweet chilli sauce and made a burnt butter sauce. 

We chatted about my food, and assessment. You know what blows me away. The support I have from not only my kids but my hubby. I’ve realised this weekend I’ve come along way. I know a lot more then I realised. Sailor was asking me so many questions, and turns out I know more French terms then I believed I did. 

To hear my hubby say he believes in me, that I’ve got this. Has gone along way n boosting my confidence up. It still surprises me. Ive spent my life with people telling me I’d amount to nothing, that I’m useless,  and the sad part I believed them. So instead of sitting here anxious I’m instead excited but nervous. Its going to be tough, but I know I can do it. I’ve worked really hard to get to this point and I cant wait to get in the kitchen. My passion and drive has over come the complete utter fear.

Also a big part of study means I’ve felt pulled between life as a student and that of a wife and mum. I’m trying to find the balance so I told my 8 year old she could make banana pancakes. So proud we had mum n daughter time. And my girl felt so proud dishing up her very own pudding. Help he collect the ingredients, make the batter then cook them, was awesome. She even flipped them herself. Before we know it our girl will be able to make them all on her own. Getting home from dropping hubby off my boy told me just how happy he is that were standing time as a family, eating meals together and just chatting, laughing all being g playful.

So as I sit here knowing I have a hubby who loves me, kids who a growing up so well, my school stuff ready for the morning. I’m realise that despite the challenges we as a family face that I’m one lucky women. And I’m more grateful now for what I have then I ever have. 

Argh help please fellow bloggers

Study help please fellow bloggers I’m a visual hands on learner

I’m studying level 4 chef training and loving it. I’m keeping up and doing well but having a few struggles.

Practical classes I’m doing well, I video the classes and from there watch them and write my notes. Its time consuming but working.

When it comes to theory I’m getting a bit worried. I can read the text books and understand everything but when it come to remembering a few days later I get mind blanks. 

We have our first big exam in July with food safety and multi choice culinary. Also will be getting a list off approx 400 culinary terms we have to remember and understand what they are, plus most are in French. Scared coz at school (I’m nearly 33) I flunked all my exams because I panicked and froze. Feeling the pressure because I got top front of house student last year but was only level 2. And I want to prove to myself and everyone that I’m actually good at something

What’s some study tips so I can improve my recall? 

How the hell do I stop the insecurities

Last night and today have been really bad. I know I’m over reacting, but my anxiety is raging. I heard from my hubby yesterday afternoon. But when I didn’t get a text last night I felt rejected. I thought today fuck ya I won’t contact him. Kept busy at school as soon as I drove home anxious again. Yesterday he said he was back in our area today. Bus either arrives just after 3 or 8pm depending. Hit 3:10 n I was angry. I’m being stubborn by not contacting him. But its killing me not knowing if he’s back, coming back or more time at work. All three are possible. I’ve got into the negative thoughts that he doesn’t want me. That he would’ve been better off if I didn’t find him. He’s had days and work we did see each other n minimal contact. Its normal for his work. So why the hell am I over reacting so badly. Feeling like the worst wife. 

I then got a missed call and text from my so called mental health support worker which triggered me. After a month she finally made contact assuming everything’s great offering to catch up. But still hasnt referred me to a physicist or therapy. Last time she told me I needed neither. That I should quit my course, sell my husbands stuff and move on. Basically made me feel worse about myself 

I talked to my mum who informed me she’s either having both her breasts off on either 23rd or 30th. Suddenly it was to much and to soon. Even tho I want her in asap. And its made me realise with cemo she actually has cancer and I can’t bury my head any longer. 

I chatted with my tutor and explained my tests and biopsy next week. They were great are allowing me to change my time table and with the practical kitchen classes I can sit in since I won’t be aloud to use my arm. And that felt to real.

And to top it off I’m irrational. I’m pissed at my best friend. She has done nothing wrong at all n a huge support. I’m angry cause she’s busy on a Tuesday n I really need a friend.

I’m over feeling crazy and alone. God I pray I don’t have cancer cause seriously I can deal with anymore bad news. I’m broken and right now trying to hold off tears until my kids are tucked into bed. I’m just so tired. Everything is aching and I just want and need a good night sleep and for a tiny break from huge things happening. Maybe I’ve pushed things this past week with my husband seeing him 3 days. Taking kids n mum to see him. Bringing up things that hurt me. On top of telling him about my lump and him asking about mums cancer 

Shit its just dawned on me that I’ve pushed my mentally unwell husband and god it feels like I’m losing him all over again.

I thought life got easier. Bit these past 3 months have been a living hell and I’m just so tired