Today is

Valentines day but most importantly my husbands birthday a young 49. I wanted to be the first to wish him a happy birthday so just text him just after midnight. I need him to know I’m thinking of him and love him. I’m prepared for him not to respond. Its ok. But it does sting a little. Its baby steps. He still doesn’t know and won’t until he comes home about the cards in the truck. I’m a cake decorator and am feeling lost not planning and making him a cake. Last year I made him a garden cake with mini fondant veggies. I was so proud of that cake and he loved it. I love spoiling people on there birthdays, making there favourite foods and giving them gifts. Its so different. My hubby doesn’t like his birthdays, so I toned it down last year but tried to make it special. Valentines day for me isn’t the same since its his day. But I love to acknowledge it and spend time with him. I’m so grateful I’ve seen him when I did though. But I just want more then anything is to be by his side, no words just holding each other and just being. I hope my darling sailor tries to have a good day and knows we love him so much

Feeling so down

So re dyed my hair bright red. Stupid but usually helps me boost my moods. This time bitter sweet cause the last time I was a red head sailor coloured it for me coz he loves me with red hair. Also finally noticing my weight loss I’m down about 5kgs. Which I’ve wanted to lose for a long time. Wish I’d not let myself go so much. Finally even waxed my crazy eye brows. Trying to pick myself up

Goodbye my superman

​so I found out today my poppa (on fathers) died a week ago and his funeral last Friday (only found out because an aunty on my mums side saw it in the paper). No one told me. It went as far as being hidden from my fathers best friend of 30+ years so I wouldn’t be told. Finally discovered the reason was because I didn’t tell them the date I was getting married only after (none else know because we decided to pull it forward n got married in the courthouse two days later, as we saving for a home n didn’t want the huge cost no one included and no one excluded) so gutted i can’t say goodbye. And nor can my two children. I’m shocked they’re so angry all coz I’m happy. Rung the funeral home he wasn’t buried but was cremated. No where for me to go and say goodbye to our superman