I started at my job 2 months ago. I really do enjoy it, it’s a new style of food I’m not use to and the beginning of my career. But for the past 2 weeks I’ve had a sense of unease. The front of house manger is a bully. I’d had enough, with the backing of my head and sous chef had decided to lay a formal complaint. I chatted to a Co worker about it briefly. She said by all means go ahead, she’s experienced being bullied by her to. But asked me to please be careful. I asked why. She said you know what happened to the woman who was in your job last. I relied, she was sick, she worked out her notice, left and passed away. She looked surprised. She said no. She was a current staff member, didn’t turn up for her shift, which was unusual and she was found, she had passed by suicide. It happened a month before I started. She was bullied by the same lady, and the chefs use to hammer her. She doesn’t know the reason why. It may have nothing to do with the work place.
Now I don’t feel I had to be told the cause of death, that’s not my business at all. But for my Co workers and boss to come up with lies and keep it going put me in an increasingly uncomfortable position. Working with these people knowing they’ve lied is hard, trust and respect has been lost.
The other day one Co worker made a comment “no wonder the last one jumped” in relation to this woman, the comment makes me sick.
I’m not sure how to proceed to be honest. I’m going in doing what I have to. But I watch our kitchen hand being either treated amazing or like utter shit. I stand up for him and the other staff and even told my head chef to pull his head in and stop picking on people today. After that he calmed. I want this job. But I don’t want to be here either. If I leave, I could go job hunting but won’t have a valid reason for my cv. If I stay I feel I’m compromising myself.
There is definite perks to the job. Reasonable hours which work with my family. Decent pay and just got my first pay rise. Generous staff discount. Most staff a great. New food which I’m learning so much including getting my food on the menu. Basically a dream come true for a newbie. But the few cons are huge. Hubby’s backing either way. I’m torn.
But still I suffer from mental health issues. Myself, my husband, my mother, my son and at a time my daughter. I think I was drawn back to to my blog because while I’m not depressed or sliding in the sense of my bpd. I am struggling with the world at the moment. I’m struggling with not being able to fix things, I struggle with the lack of control watching others dear to me going through mental health. I’m struggling with my morals in the job I’m in. And have got extremely frustrated thinking about work. I’m in an industry which is high pressure, stress, and clashes with chef vs front of house. I just want to cook, be a wife, mama, daughter and not feel the pressure to be all for everyone
I now hold a diploma in patisserie, I passed with distinction averaging 90-96%. Such a proud moment after 2.5 years full time studying while being a mama, wife and cleaning. I finished school on the Friday started my new job in a vegan cafe the next day, 2 months on I just received my first pay rise. I have so much to catch up on here but here’s a few of today’s goodies
Vegan beetroot and chocolate cheesecake
Paleo orange cake with coconut and almond
Gluten free, dairy free and vegan savoury muffins
Dairy and gluten free raspberry and orange sweet muffins with vegan chocolate
It had been since I last wrote here, months, July in fact. New goal to make an active effort to post again. Life’s gotten away on me lately. To few hours in a day. Too many things to attempt to cram in. But writing here was such a big part of my life so time to make the effort.
so much has changed for me. I was at my lowest point, out of hospital after 2 attempts technically homeless in a caravan. With out my children, in an a mentally abusive and controlli relationship. My future was dull, the life sucked out of me.
Now I’ve a home, my children with me. An amazing husband. I’m a qualified chef and studing a diploma in patisserie. About to go on a two week holiday.
Amazing how times can change. My lows now aren’t so low my highs I celebrate.
So grateful for what I have, love, success, family and a bright future.
Big thanks to all nearly 22 thousand of you. Some who have followed me from my first post. Wow just thankful for life
If it’s not one person pissy or upset with me it’s another. No matter how much I do for other people never seems like it’s enough. I’m tired to. I’m mentally drained, I’m an emotional mess. Cut me some bloody slack
Over the past few weeks with being in competition and me losing my mind but so many positives. We gained strength as a family unit really supporting and backing each other. I’m proud of all of us. My hubby really backing me emotionally and physically. Being there for the kids in so many ways. Being patient beyond all expectations. Believing in me when I didn’t. Showing our son what real support from a dad is. Protecting our girl and guiding her in ways she hasn’t experienced. Stepping up around the house to take pressure off me. All the while never complaining. Watching our boy gain a confidence he was lacking, pride in himself and his cooking. Having him and I grow closer having a bond of food and competing.
Originally I was going to enter three classes in the comp and our boy one. But the pressure of life got on top of me. So I dropped one. This past weekend it was time. I was due to drop my statics in the comp. On the way my cheesecake started slipping off the plate, then melting. But some how managed to get the cheese cake and artisan bread up.
Bailey’s and white chocolate cheesecake with a dark chocolate and espresso cremeux, glazed with a dark chocolate mirror glaze. A different Bailey’s cream cheese icing, garnished with chocolate and gold leaf.
For the breads I had to produce three different types so I made a 18 hr double hydration ciabatta. A laminated and plaited duck fat and bacon brioche and a garlic and rosemary foccicia. I also add artichoke paste and whipped butter.
Sadly we didn’t get a photo of the actual comp dish of my boys but he did the veg soup live, he made a borscht with a horse radish and sour cream garnished with chives
We had prize giving and we place extremely well.
Our boy received a silver medal and over all winner of class, along side awesome prizes
And I won 2 silver medals
One of the proudest moments as a competitor, a mum and as a family
Between comps, 11 days away and chef keeps changing my entry and is pushing me to far. My baby had her 1st therapy session on her own and it was hard and drained her completely, felt I should’ve kept her home with me instead of sending her to the place she’s bullied, but laws make her go to school. Then my boys been mucked around by his teacher with the comp and I’m having to scramble to Get everything he needs in time. My hubby’s backs playing up and sadly despite me trying not to. I’m a cranky insecure and not nice to be around. And he has to pick up the pieces.
Why the hell do I over complicate life to damn much. I do it for myself
Super excited I first heard about good bitches baking earlier in the year. They’re a charitable trust which started 3 years again by two mum’s wanting to give back. So they started baking and gifting it to those in need or having a tough time. Like hospitals, women’s refuge, mental health etc. Well last night I signed up. I’m now a volunteer ggb. You can choose to bake as often as you like I’ll start monthly for now. Just feels good to give a little back in a creative way