Unease

I started at my job 2 months ago. I really do enjoy it, it’s a new style of food I’m not use to and the beginning of my career. But for the past 2 weeks I’ve had a sense of unease. The front of house manger is a bully. I’d had enough, with the backing of my head and sous chef had decided to lay a formal complaint. I chatted to a Co worker about it briefly. She said by all means go ahead, she’s experienced being bullied by her to. But asked me to please be careful. I asked why. She said you know what happened to the woman who was in your job last. I relied, she was sick, she worked out her notice, left and passed away. She looked surprised. She said no. She was a current staff member, didn’t turn up for her shift, which was unusual and she was found, she had passed by suicide. It happened a month before I started. She was bullied by the same lady, and the chefs use to hammer her. She doesn’t know the reason why. It may have nothing to do with the work place.

Now I don’t feel I had to be told the cause of death, that’s not my business at all. But for my Co workers and boss to come up with lies and keep it going put me in an increasingly uncomfortable position. Working with these people knowing they’ve lied is hard, trust and respect has been lost.

The other day one Co worker made a comment “no wonder the last one jumped” in relation to this woman, the comment makes me sick.

I’m not sure how to proceed to be honest. I’m going in doing what I have to. But I watch our kitchen hand being either treated amazing or like utter shit. I stand up for him and the other staff and even told my head chef to pull his head in and stop picking on people today. After that he calmed. I want this job. But I don’t want to be here either. If I leave, I could go job hunting but won’t have a valid reason for my cv. If I stay I feel I’m compromising myself.

There is definite perks to the job. Reasonable hours which work with my family. Decent pay and just got my first pay rise. Generous staff discount. Most staff a great. New food which I’m learning so much including getting my food on the menu. Basically a dream come true for a newbie. But the few cons are huge. Hubby’s backing either way. I’m torn.

Goodbye my superman

​so I found out today my poppa (on fathers) died a week ago and his funeral last Friday (only found out because an aunty on my mums side saw it in the paper). No one told me. It went as far as being hidden from my fathers best friend of 30+ years so I wouldn’t be told. Finally discovered the reason was because I didn’t tell them the date I was getting married only after (none else know because we decided to pull it forward n got married in the courthouse two days later, as we saving for a home n didn’t want the huge cost no one included and no one excluded) so gutted i can’t say goodbye. And nor can my two children. I’m shocked they’re so angry all coz I’m happy. Rung the funeral home he wasn’t buried but was cremated. No where for me to go and say goodbye to our superman

Death and the life youve lived

This reminds me of my friends dad who just passed away.

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See what I’ve been learning about (I’ll call him the cop) my friends dad the cop. Is that he lived for something. Not only did he reconnect with his only daughter. He had a living partner of I think about 15 years. He had an amazing successful career in the force spanning more then 40 years. I had a lot about him wrong. Maybe it was because when I really knew him I was a teen. He was a tough cop in suits. Flash homes. Nice cars and things. I thought he was a formal man. He was a parent. I’ve learnt more of him since his death. I happy to learn about his fun side. It wasnt just a parent, a cop, but a man who lived his life to the full.

See you all soon

Over and out bloggers land. Taking tomorrow off from here to support my best friend who’s dad just past away earlier today. Need to be there for her the best way I know how. For me to try to process the many emotions I myself are feeling. To organise suitable outfit for the funeral and to spend more time with my children. Emotionally I’m completely drained.and just don’t have the head space or mind frame to blog.

Sometimes it just makes me so

Sometimes it just makes me angry to see such young people die of cancer. 25 years old – surviver. 63 – fight for his life. 60 – terminal. 52 – just passed away. I just don’t get it. I firmly believe when its your time, its your time. But still just pisses me off that despite advances in the medical world, so many still have to die. Argh I hate being frustrated with something in life I have no control over. To those whom have lost someone, supporting someone, or has cancer. My thoughts are with you right now.

Death or dying

Lately Ive heard alot about death and dying. The fear people have of death. I don’t carrying that fear. Death is part of us, it’s touched us all, one common factor we all have. My fear is instead dying. Weather it be a long drawn out process, short and leaving me unaware. What it will feel like.

Morbid as it seems even though I have a fear of dying I don’t dwell on it. I do talk about it if it comes up in conversation. I myself organized my own funeral some months back. I looked at what I wanted, where, who, what songs will play. Luckily no one needed to use this plan and I hope it won’t be used for many years.

I do wonder why people fear death itself. What ever we believe in we won’t know till it happens. Maybe it’s the unknown.