Exactly six months

Ago I married my best friend. I can’t wait to see what the rest of our lives bring. I love him so much, the ups and downs. The happiness the sadness, I love how we can be our weird and silly self’s together. How he drives me incredibly insane but so happy at the same time. Most of all he can make me laugh so hard every thing aches. Made the best decision to marry my sailor

I’m blessed

A month into my studies and life’s going from strength to strength.

Firstly my hubby is stePping up so much. He’s been supportive and kind. Super helpful with things around home and especially with the kids. When I’m tired or feeling overwhelmed he’s right there. He’s patient and encouraging me to keep going. 

My babies are growing so fast. They’re both helping around the house. My girl supporting mummies school. My boy letting me teach him what I’m learning in the kitchen. We’re despite me fulltime studying and part-time working gaining our bonds. Not losing like I thought may happen. It feels like we are closer then before.

Normal you might say, the way it should be. But I’ve not experienced this before. My hubby and I aren’t perfect we have our ups and downs. But I’ve never experienced a relationship like it. I’m not use to support, kindness, help and so much love.

I’m blessed and super grateful for my sailor and children

A little Saturday baking

This weekend I decided to get my bake on so it was pastry and desert time for the family.

As with the photos (first attempt at food photography as well) I made it all from scratch excluding the puff pastry.

  • Chocolate eclairs
  • Puff pastry with cream and kiwifruit and some with cinnamon sugar.
  • Puff baskets
  • Cream puffs with chocolate and my berry jam sauces
  • Fill baskets filled with spinach, feta, toms, eggs and chives
  • Chocolate mud mousse
  • And my favourite the pastry rosettes

Can’t wait to find some more time to share heaps more with you all.

Crazy busy but I love it

Haven’t posted for a few weeks the last time I tried I’d written a good post and bam it disappeared. Life’s been crazy between study, home, work, being a mum and wife i can’t wait to share some of what I’ve been up to. But for now the pictures show my very first lemon meringue pie and chocolate eclairs I made. And I will admit they turned out yummy. My hubby reckons my confidence is growing in the kitchen and I have to agree 🙂

Follow on from my last post

We had our winz appointment and managed to get our benefit back on and paid. We got a new person while it was a super long appointment he was good. Made sure to get absolutely everything sorted. Getting paid was such a relief. And even better hubby and I supported each other through it. 

As a few know I’m studying atm. I start the next course in less then 2 weeks. Part of getting it paid on student loan you get $1000 course related costs. So now bills are paid etc. I went and purchased a new laptop. Yay for me lol I had a 10″ inch slow netbook for 4 years. Now I have a brand spanking new 15.6inch screen. Upgraded to 4gb ram n 500gb storage. Perfect for study. And to watch movies with my hubby. Only $549 saving a few hundred.

I’m not a material person I don’t spend on myself so I’m feeling like a kid on christmas. 

Why did you get married?

I know there’s marriage for love, convenience, arranged etc. But what was you reason? Its been on my mind a lot.

I have reasons that I married my husband. Some I I have no idea how to express or comprehend. I’d never wanted marriage, believed it wouldn’t happen in my life. But meeting sailor he touched me deeply in ways I could never have imagined. Suddenly I found myself simply knowing this man was the one I wanted for life. When he proposed on two different occasions I said yes immediately both times. Getting married I was nervous but zero doubts, I know with every part of me it was right.

I remember we had been together a month or so and he’d gone out and come back with a present. It was a gift that made me almost cry. It was art pencils, and rubber. Simple you might say but the best gift. He believed and supported my art. He inspired and pushed me to explore different things. And when I doubted myself he encouraged me.

One night I had a nightmare (I have them most nights) but this night I was terrified. He woke held me so tight, kissed my head and said “I’m here, your safe I’ll protect you”.

He made me laugh to distract me from anxiety attacks. He was able to be vulnerable and open. He was as he said ” able to be weird” with me.

He is amazing with my children.

One night I was hungry (I’m not a big eater) so I sat on the bench in the kitchen while he made and feed me pancakes, laughing joking full of love.

He provides not only in the financial sense bit in all ways.

I admire him and love him so deeply.

I’ve really wondered lately with all that’s happening. Why he married me. Why he could say he doesn’t think we’ll work. He still here, but for how long I don’t know.

Last night I was really struggling so I contacted my mum to look after my children for the night. I had to put my needs above my kids and sailor. I needed to not be responsible for a day. I needed to breathe. I had all these ideas on spending time with hubby. But couldn’t face rejection. So kept quite

Then he surprised me by asking if I wanted to watch a movie with him. Instant tears and a yes from me. And its just what I needed. No words just being together.

Yesterday I’d told him I missed him. He replied he missed me to. After one I said I missed his laugh. With a sadness in his eyes he replied I do to.

Its always been the simple things that are most powerful with us. The action. I’m preparing myself for when he ends up leaving. I just hope he knows that what ever he decides. He has a wife who he touched deeply and turn my world into something amazing. That I’ll forever be grateful, a love like this comes but once.

I did it!!!!

7:30am and I’m ready for school.

My education has fallen to the side for a number of reasons. My problems in my marriage, feeling like I’m letting my kids down being away from the house and not being able to take them to school a few days a week. Lack of confidence in my ability to do this.

But I decided I have to push on. There’s to many positives.

Had my ride sorted, school work ready, home made lunch, a coffee in my drink bottle. Kids organised, hubby ready to take them to school.

I got this shit

Breakthrough I’m relieved

Hubby and I had a real breakthrough today. I’m so grateful. Its the beginning of a long road. But its a start. We actually communicated properly for the first time in weeks. Calmly (even with tears), I feel I heard him and he heard me. We had compromises and agree to disagrees. I’m feeling emotionally drained but with hope. Serious chat but with laughs, tears and love. I feel I can breathe. Its a good feeling hearing him tell me he loves me and wants to stay and make it work. I’m learning a lot about marriage that’s for sure. But one thing I hold my vows so dear. I know we’ve both made mistakes. I’m grateful I heard him out on something’s misunderstandings which were cleared up. I am proud I stood up for myself to. Things that are non negotiable, things that are important to me. I voiced things I need from him and things I know I can compromise on. I’ve decided I’m going to need to keep doing things I need to but to ask for help so I don’t burn out. We are not out of the woods but were stepping on the same path together to find our way through. Another thing I realised its huge for me is “effort” each of us making an effort for each other and ourselves.  Even though neither of us have the answers we wish we did, we both have the same goals.